Amanda Nyx discussed her experience playing a part in a community production of Newsies.
Interview Summary
This person selected their first theatre performance in a production of Newsies. This was the first time they put themselves out there going into their second audition. They had performed with the circus, but being closer to the age of 40, they decided it was time to pursue an experience they have always wanted to try. Being in this production was the first time they got to see the process from the director to the stage manager all the way to getting fitted for costumes. Working with a group of people who have a similar intention and dedication, meant a lot to them. This experience is a magical memory for them.
They chose this experience because they are very proud of the production. They felt a connection with the people they worked with, and it was the strongest of all their other art choices. This production also brought out of their comfort zone. They made friendships and connections that helped built them up as a person. They worked with an incredible directors, stage managers, choreographers etc. They were part of a huge cast and worked with all ages. The production opened in July 2022.
At the time they were feeling nervous as they were not a great singer, but they got vocal practice from a friend and made a huge impression on the directors. This was their first audition, and it was for the musical, Rent, but this led them to get casted later in Newsies. The director saw something in the way this person presented themselves, because they believed they were more than capable to be there. They enjoyed themselves. The phrase, “I am lucky to be where I am” changed the way they thought and kept them going through theater.
The show had a lot of setbacks, and everyone had to work together in order for the show to continue. This caused them to change how they view people working together, and what collaborative projects can really do. Open-heart, open mind was a big philosophy they learned and hope to carry it for a long time.
They believe that it is really hard to identify as an authentic self in the modern world. This person goes on to say that we are programmed to think bad about the person who got the part you originally auditioned for. However, this production made them realize that they can start from scratch and be able to work with the woman who got the part she wanted.
Art for this person, has become the question, “What is my purpose?” A purpose for this person is, “How can I leave a lasting impact… a legacy.” Life before the production and working in theater left them feeling unsatisfied. Art gave them a sense of purpose.
They used the world communitas because they consider themselves as a seeker, always looking for the truth. They believe they are experiencing the same transcendency with other people in the same production. Their personal revelations, when they started with art, they saw inside themselves more, they found a way to express themselves.
Interview Transcript
Interviewer: Okay, so yes, we'd like you to think about in our work that you created. That's especially meaningful to you.
Participant 10: I think today I want to talk about my experience, my very first theatre performance, which was last summer at Chicken Valley Little Theater, we did a production of Newsies.
Interviewer: Okay, Thank you. So, could you describe this production for me? What are some of the important details?
Participant 10: Yeah. So, it was my very first time being on like a stage theater production. I had done some like classroom shows back in like third grade, where we just did it for our little classroom. This is my first time really putting myself out there, going to an audition, saying, it wasn't my first audition. It was my second audition, but it came because the first audition went so well that the music director for that, she said, come, be in the show.
And so, I was like, you know I this is something I've always wanted to do. I've done so much creating. I've done so much performance with my circus and fire spinning stuff recently, and I’m like you know what I'm getting close to 40. It's time to really pursue some of those things that I have always wanted to try.
There's no reason not to do them anymore. So, I decided to just go start auditioning. I learned how to sing a week or 2 before my first audition. And I showed up, and I got a part, and so, being so, the Newsies production was really the first time I got to go see the process work with a director work with a stage manager work with a cast, learn lines, get fitted for costumes.
And on top of being in the show I had a kind of a small role, which was, I’m sure I didn't love hearing that I got just a small role like that. I'm more capable than this. But how do they know I've never done anything to show that I’m capable. So, the fact that I was in at all was something I was really grateful for, and I said, how can I make the most of this opportunity.
And I said, do you need any help? Backstage? I ask the stage manager. You know. What can I do to help you, and she said, we never get volunteer assistant stage managers. You want to be my ASM.
And I said, sure. So, I got to. Really. I got to help the set designer. I did some painting and some building for that because that's some of the art. I do as large-scale installations, anyway. So, working with him, I got to learn a little bit more about the process.
I learned so much, and I had become so involved with the cast and in the production and just. I had thrown myself in with an open mind, with an open heart and with just a hunger for learning all of it, and when we opened up, I would go. Gosh!
I’m just watching the opening scene with tears in my eyes because I’m here, and I’m doing it. I’m doing it with great people.
And you know my religious studies Brain knows to put the label of commutas on this and that's any example I would have pulled out to talk about. This was more about the feeling of working with a group of people who were there with similar intention, was similar dedication with similar levels of I love this, and this means something to me, and I want it to be good.
There are so many things I've done that were really cool or great pieces of art or whatever. But when I look at them, I’m like, okay, I did that. What's next? But something like newsies was, you know, doesn't matter what comes next that will always be a magical memory.
Interviewer: Yeah, great? So, you gave such a nice, comprehensive answer to that initial question. A lot of these follow up questions you've touched upon a lot of the things that I want to ask about. So, these follow up questions will probably be more about just maybe if you want to say anything more about this question. So yeah, thanks for that initial description.
So, why did you choose this one? (Specialness)
Participant 10: The way the interactions happened, the way people came together and built something together. And I, you know I was like, you know, what the magic of the art world to me is this communitas feeling.
And what was the strongest of those, and it really was Newsies, but it's relatively recent, although there have been things that were more recent that also felt that way. I think it's the strongest one.
I mean it was a hell of a production, but it was also it represents to me really getting out of my comfort zone, really putting myself out there for an opportunity that I always thought that's not no matter how bad I want to do it. That's not for me. That's not going to be something I’ll ever have a chance at, and then I go and do it.
Not only is it being I included, but I was good, too. I did really well with the stage management stuff so much so that I've now gotten paid work as a stage manager, and that's kind of a career choice. I'm pursuing a little bit more. I made friendships and connections that have already built me back up. I've been able to help those people back up.
Interviewer: let's talk a little bit more about the experience of being in this production. What led up to the creation? What motivated you to create this piece?
Participant 10: I've always watched musicals and musicals specifically. I'm, I think I’m going to end up being better at just normal plays. I'm not a great singer, and it's going to take a long time for me to get to the point where I would be able to like, really make an impact as a vocalist, I think. But musicals were always what I watched and was like this is amazing.
These people do this every night. It's not a movie where they can re-shoot reshoot; they have to be able to do this. They have to be able to show up every single day and be on, no matter what's happening.
And I got a taste of that when I started doing the circus performance.
So, I learned how to be that person through other means. And I said, now can I, do it? Memorizing lines, knowing choreography, knowing where to go and give the exact same experience every night, because the fire spinning and stuff like that that can be specific to different groups. But when it's a show everyone needs to see the same show, we did. We did 10 nights of performance. Every one of those 10 performances had to be the same show the same experience. How can I do that in that context.
So, there were a lot of challenges in a progression of self-challenges that that also led me to say this might be the right thing to do right now.
Interviewer: Great and then. Would you like to say anything else about when and where did the experience happen? Who was involved besides you (if anyone)?
Participant 10: Yeah, I can. I can mention. You know our director was Pamela Force. Our music director was Dave Cox. Our stage manager was Jen Montfort. Our choreographer was Jen Justice.
The cast was absolutely incredible. We opened in July 2022.
But I think it is worth mentioning that we did have an exceptionally young cast for a lot of this as well
It was a huge cast. I think we have 30 some people in the cast.
Interviewer: Great. Thank you. And What were you thinking and feeling at different times throughout the process of interacting with the artwork?
Participant 10: This is a journey, my very first audition, like I mentioned this wasn't my first one, my second one my first one. I had never sung in public before. I had been told for many years by anyone who had ever heard me sing that I was terrible, and that I shouldn't sing around people.
I had no illusion that I wasn't a very good singer, but I said, maybe if I just go and show up, maybe they'll like that. I showed up, and they'll give me the non-singing role.
And so, I sang at an open mic night, like a week beforehand, and people like, Wow! When did you learn to sing? I don't know there were some things I needed to work on for sure, and I went to a bit of audition prep with a friend who used to teach vocal stuff, and he was like, here’s how we can get you ready to show up, and at least audition.
I blacked out at my first one. I have no recollection. I couldn't tell you how it went.
I remember the pianist couldn't play my song he was trying to, and it was it was a complex piano piece he'd never seen before, and he stopped playing, and I looked over. But I kept singing, and apparently that made a huge impression, and my singing was
good, but not. The woman who went after me got the role I was after, and she was fantastic.
But I was noticeable enough that they still said, should we consider this person or not?
But the music director said, there's not a good spot for you in rent, but I definitely want you in newsies. Please come audition for me. I did not sing it well, and I walked out like well, thanks for the opportunity. Sorry I let you down, and he's like you didn't let me down. You didn't sing great, but I've heard you sing, and I will keep you in the running.
And they put me in a role. So, I went in nervous like I didn't really earn this role through my audition. Other people heard me sing and didn't know why I was there.
But the director saw something in the way I presented myself. I made eye contact, even though it was clear I know it wasn't singing well.
How do I earn more to do by showing people how capable I am, and then just saying, you know what I’m here. Enjoy it. Have fun, and that's when things really started to spiral into bigger things, instead of being resentful about the person who got a part, I thought I could do better at.
And then, when we got to the actual work of putting on the show, and everybody showed up all the time. It was just pure joy, every night
So, I had worked through these things I had to push myself to overcome some of me like programmed internal, you know, monologues and stuff that we're saying. Oh, this is, I deserve more, and you know what maybe I don't deserve more, and I’m lucky to be where I am.
And that rephrasing definitely changed some things, and it's something that has kept me going through theater stuff.
We have stayed in touch ever since our Facebook group continues like literally today, somebody posted just thinking about how awesome this was and missing you guys.
I've been in other shows. Nobody's doing that. It was something special about that show.
Nothing will ever compare to that again. I don't think, especially for me, for that being my first experience in theater.
Interviewer: Let's talk a little bit about the impact of the artwork on you and your life.
What did you learn from the process of interacting with the artwork? Did you learn anything about yourself?
Participant 10: It's one of those things that is a Testament to the power of humanity in that the show had a lot of setbacks, and I didn't talk about most of those setbacks right like I didn't talk about half the cast. Got Covid a week before we were supposed to open.
Where are we going to put on a show or not?
We have a week to figure it out, and we put on a freaking, amazing show. You know it's every single person pitched in when we had those setbacks.
When push comes to shove, I have seen so many people step up and be amazing.
And Newsies was. It was a timely reminder that all of those people do come together and make amazing things happen.
It may be a community theatre production, but it touched so many lives, and I know there were people besides me in that production that it really did change their views on things for and for me. It changed my views on how people can work together, what collaborative projects can be, because I've had some bad experiences with that, and it showed me that I am capable.
The character I played in Newsies may not have had a ton of stage time, but she had impact on the story. She was there for a purpose. She got good laughs. I had so much fun playing this character, and I. I got to learn an accent, and I got to like when we went and blocked out scenes, I was like I have no idea what I’m doing on stage, and the director knows, but she told me to just go with instincts and see what happens, and we ended up structuring whole scenes around. How I moved because I was the one who had the instincts that she liked. So, it was like. You know this. You don't have to have training. You don't have to have years and years of education. You have to have a drive and passion, and you have to show up.
A lot of really empowering reminders that showing up and doing a thing is the best way to make something happen. And that keeping an open mind and an open heart. Duality is something. I actually used a lot in a recent performance thing that I did.
The idea of open heart, open mind is what the whole experience there was about, and that's something I've been telling myself. Keep an open heart. Keep an open mind so like this has kind of become a mantra of mine, especially in the last few months.
But I think what really taught me open-heart open mind was newsies, and that's a philosophy that I hope to carry on for a long time.
Interviewer: Great. Thank you. When some people think about themselves, they see some parts of themselves as deeply true, real, or authentic.
If this idea resonates with you, did you learn anything about your true nature during the process of interacting with the artwork? Did you have any insights about your own authentic (or inauthentic) self?
Participant 10: I think. Yes, both authentic and inauthentic. And it goes back to someone I was talking about with like trying to push beyond the programming of the brain.
I think it's really hard to identify an authentic self in the modern world, because we have so much programming right. Back in days before the Internet, or TV or mass media, or any of those kinds of things, even before, like newspapers.
Once the exchange of ideas became easier, and as it gets easier and easier, the ability to identify an authentic self has kind of been lost. I think that's why we have so many mental health struggles that are coming get becoming worse and worse, and in modern society is that we don't know how to find an authentic self anymore, because the idea of an authentic self-kind of went out the window with mass media. We are seeing these images, you know.
A lot of mass media is about control and influence, even if it's unintentional by the people who are working on it. Someone who had the idea has taken this to be a control method, and institutionalized religion has really been all about that. So, I've done a lot of work on this, but it's not just religion. It's secular as well, and we know this with propaganda, and the fact that propaganda is kind of a daily thing nowadays.
Every single thing that comes out is trying to influence the brain in such a way, so finding an authentic self is almost impossible nowadays. You are the product of the propaganda you have grown up in, and getting through that to what really is authentic is really difficult. It's a challenge as an artist is to be authentic, right? And I think it's harder and harder because we can see we are influenced by the things we see.
So how do we break these things down? We put ourselves in situations where we have to overcome that programming, and, as I mentioned with Newsies, I had to overcome the programming of me. But I deserve more because I know how capable.
No, my authentic self at newsies was someone who has no clue what they're doing there, and it doesn't matter how I hard I've worked on other things. I am a total newbie. I am. I am lucky to be where I am. I have been given a gift of an opportunity that a lot of people don't get in the situation that I was in, and I have to approach it humbly. I have to approach again. Open, mind, open heart.
I think that that's something that Newsies really helped me do was, where do those strengths and weaknesses lie? They lie somewhere else because I don't have them yet. I don't have a strength or weakness. I have no knowledge yet. And I think, like I said, other people found that in this cast, too, people who have been in the theater world had to make that same challenge and say, Wait a minute. Is this my programming that makes me want to resent this woman like the woman who had the role that I wanted well a role that traditionally the person playing the role I had would also play that role in Broadway.
I may have wanted that and thought I deserved it. But this is right, and it's okay, because I’m doing something that matters to me in a context that I love. And I’m getting to work with this person who is right for the context we're in and is doing something she loves.
It was it broke down a lot of people's internal programming, I think.
It showed us what we're capable of in a different way, because once you lose those inauthentic ideas, those programming, you are suddenly becoming receptive to things that might be a surprisingly good fit for you that you didn't think you'd approach in the context originally. So, like for me, I didn't go into this thinking I would make a great stage manager.
And yet I now have had. I've I stage managed a big production over the winter.
Interviewer: Yeah, that was great. Thank you so much. Some people believe in ultimate meaning. This is defined as deep, underlying meaning that transcends subjective, personal meaning. It is about the nature of existence and identity, and it may include ideas about the significance of suffering, as well as spirituality.
If this idea resonates with you, did you learn anything about ultimate meaning during the process of interacting with the artwork?
Participant 10: Again, Years and years and years of analyzing that question myself.
For me personally, art has the pursuit of art has become
“What is my purpose, and I that the questions of purpose and how can I make an impact on the world, I think, is for me a lot of what purpose means to me is, how can I leave a lasting impact? You know a legacy, if you will, although I hate what is my legacy.
I want to change the world.
I have been so unsatisfied with any pursuits I've had where I didn't feel like I was making an impact. Any boring office job where I sit there and process the same stupid paperwork every day, and it doesn't change anything.
I ended up becoming a race manager and doing event, planning for running events which are often done as fundraisers.
I felt like I was helping with some sense of purpose, but it wasn't giving me personal fulfillment.
So, I left that, and I started to pursue. I got a remote job for an insurance company, on how to digitize insurance forms, and it was a fun challenge, and I love challenges, and I learned a bunch. But it was also something I could just do when I wanted to do and pursue art at a level, I never was able to before, and it started making me realize I was capable. And it started to give me that sense of purpose of like. The best way to impact the world is to create things that solve problems.
When I started to do things that made me feel fulfilled and fulfilled, and then could build up skills to help me launch other things that could make a direct impact on people in real time. That was where I really started to find purpose
And getting involved in theater was a part of that progression of finding personal purpose that can impact other people in real time as well. And I haven't quite found.
You know theater has the power to inspire and challenge and do all these wonderful things to the audiences. I'm seeing that it happens with the cast members as well. Like, I said, we're challenging our preconceived of what we deserve, and stuff like that. But I think it's building.
I think that my experience with Newsies has directly injected me into a lifeblood of a different sort, where there's a different set of impacts that can be made on the community around me, on the things that I can accomplish.
And I think that all of this stuff has come together, you know, as far as finding a purpose and a meaning. Then why are we here? As a question.
How can we make the most of being here? Is the purpose question that I've always tried to solve. That's why I was very into popular religion. And how do individual people believe that they are making a difference?
Not why are they here? But how can being here be a positive thing. And art is really how I have found a lot of that for myself.
Interviewer: Great. Thank you. So have one more prompt. Some people believe or perceive a reality beyond the physical or material world. This may include religious beliefs/experiences (such as perceived interactions with God) but also may include mystical or transcendent experiences, or interaction with spirits.
Did you have any of these kinds of experiences during the interaction with the artwork?
Participant 10: Absolutely, and the word I use before communitas is the one as a student of religion, I often consider myself a seeker. I'm always looking for truth in all the different ways that it appears in so many different places.
I think the other worldly powers that are out there can be experienced in a lot of different ways, and a lot of them are very intensely personal. But when it's a personal experience it's harder to trust that that was really an experience you had, or something that you're searching too hard to find a meaning in. I think a lot of people you know. We're talking a little bit before about purpose and meaning. People really want that to be a purpose, and individual spiritual experiences are really great.
I think the idea of Communitas of having a greater experience, and how people find this other worldly spiritual sense by being connected with all these people who find the same thing true or powerful, and that's where you have a little bit of like verification. I guess that this, that there is meaning here, that other people feel it too.
They are experiencing the same transcendency, whatever that is to that person. That is what Newsies was, and again, I've been in other productions where that communitas was not there.
I've definitely had my personal revelations and moment, especially since I started doing art where I started to see inside myself more. And that has been a transcendent experience, especially art journaling and stuff like that. I've really found ways to express myself and explore what's in me, but that isn't the same as this.
There is some kind of power, and it's not necessarily the one that pulls the strings, but it pushes people together.
And when those people come together the product of that group is much greater than the sum of its parts, and that for me is what transcendence really is like. Spiritual transcendence really is, is when all of these talented individuals, who are something special individually come together and create something that is even more special than any one individual could possibly be.
That's the magic for me. Wow! When people come together.
The energy, the power is there, and that's been true at and, like, say, ingenuity, was another place like this, where people with all these great abilities come together and create something greater than the sum of its parts. And so that's where any experience I would have picked to talk about today was like that.
Interviewer: That was great. Thank you so much. I'm so glad we were able to connect and do the interview.
Participant 10: Yeah, Thank you for that opportunity.
This person selected their first theatre performance in a production of Newsies. This was the first time they put themselves out there going into their second audition. They had performed with the circus, but being closer to the age of 40, they decided it was time to pursue an experience they have always wanted to try. Being in this production was the first time they got to see the process from the director to the stage manager all the way to getting fitted for costumes. Working with a group of people who have a similar intention and dedication, meant a lot to them. This experience is a magical memory for them.
They chose this experience because they are very proud of the production. They felt a connection with the people they worked with, and it was the strongest of all their other art choices. This production also brought out of their comfort zone. They made friendships and connections that helped built them up as a person. They worked with an incredible directors, stage managers, choreographers etc. They were part of a huge cast and worked with all ages. The production opened in July 2022.
At the time they were feeling nervous as they were not a great singer, but they got vocal practice from a friend and made a huge impression on the directors. This was their first audition, and it was for the musical, Rent, but this led them to get casted later in Newsies. The director saw something in the way this person presented themselves, because they believed they were more than capable to be there. They enjoyed themselves. The phrase, “I am lucky to be where I am” changed the way they thought and kept them going through theater.
The show had a lot of setbacks, and everyone had to work together in order for the show to continue. This caused them to change how they view people working together, and what collaborative projects can really do. Open-heart, open mind was a big philosophy they learned and hope to carry it for a long time.
They believe that it is really hard to identify as an authentic self in the modern world. This person goes on to say that we are programmed to think bad about the person who got the part you originally auditioned for. However, this production made them realize that they can start from scratch and be able to work with the woman who got the part she wanted.
Art for this person, has become the question, “What is my purpose?” A purpose for this person is, “How can I leave a lasting impact… a legacy.” Life before the production and working in theater left them feeling unsatisfied. Art gave them a sense of purpose.
They used the world communitas because they consider themselves as a seeker, always looking for the truth. They believe they are experiencing the same transcendency with other people in the same production. Their personal revelations, when they started with art, they saw inside themselves more, they found a way to express themselves.
Interview Transcript
Interviewer: Okay, so yes, we'd like you to think about in our work that you created. That's especially meaningful to you.
Participant 10: I think today I want to talk about my experience, my very first theatre performance, which was last summer at Chicken Valley Little Theater, we did a production of Newsies.
Interviewer: Okay, Thank you. So, could you describe this production for me? What are some of the important details?
Participant 10: Yeah. So, it was my very first time being on like a stage theater production. I had done some like classroom shows back in like third grade, where we just did it for our little classroom. This is my first time really putting myself out there, going to an audition, saying, it wasn't my first audition. It was my second audition, but it came because the first audition went so well that the music director for that, she said, come, be in the show.
And so, I was like, you know I this is something I've always wanted to do. I've done so much creating. I've done so much performance with my circus and fire spinning stuff recently, and I’m like you know what I'm getting close to 40. It's time to really pursue some of those things that I have always wanted to try.
There's no reason not to do them anymore. So, I decided to just go start auditioning. I learned how to sing a week or 2 before my first audition. And I showed up, and I got a part, and so, being so, the Newsies production was really the first time I got to go see the process work with a director work with a stage manager work with a cast, learn lines, get fitted for costumes.
And on top of being in the show I had a kind of a small role, which was, I’m sure I didn't love hearing that I got just a small role like that. I'm more capable than this. But how do they know I've never done anything to show that I’m capable. So, the fact that I was in at all was something I was really grateful for, and I said, how can I make the most of this opportunity.
And I said, do you need any help? Backstage? I ask the stage manager. You know. What can I do to help you, and she said, we never get volunteer assistant stage managers. You want to be my ASM.
And I said, sure. So, I got to. Really. I got to help the set designer. I did some painting and some building for that because that's some of the art. I do as large-scale installations, anyway. So, working with him, I got to learn a little bit more about the process.
I learned so much, and I had become so involved with the cast and in the production and just. I had thrown myself in with an open mind, with an open heart and with just a hunger for learning all of it, and when we opened up, I would go. Gosh!
I’m just watching the opening scene with tears in my eyes because I’m here, and I’m doing it. I’m doing it with great people.
And you know my religious studies Brain knows to put the label of commutas on this and that's any example I would have pulled out to talk about. This was more about the feeling of working with a group of people who were there with similar intention, was similar dedication with similar levels of I love this, and this means something to me, and I want it to be good.
There are so many things I've done that were really cool or great pieces of art or whatever. But when I look at them, I’m like, okay, I did that. What's next? But something like newsies was, you know, doesn't matter what comes next that will always be a magical memory.
Interviewer: Yeah, great? So, you gave such a nice, comprehensive answer to that initial question. A lot of these follow up questions you've touched upon a lot of the things that I want to ask about. So, these follow up questions will probably be more about just maybe if you want to say anything more about this question. So yeah, thanks for that initial description.
So, why did you choose this one? (Specialness)
Participant 10: The way the interactions happened, the way people came together and built something together. And I, you know I was like, you know, what the magic of the art world to me is this communitas feeling.
And what was the strongest of those, and it really was Newsies, but it's relatively recent, although there have been things that were more recent that also felt that way. I think it's the strongest one.
I mean it was a hell of a production, but it was also it represents to me really getting out of my comfort zone, really putting myself out there for an opportunity that I always thought that's not no matter how bad I want to do it. That's not for me. That's not going to be something I’ll ever have a chance at, and then I go and do it.
Not only is it being I included, but I was good, too. I did really well with the stage management stuff so much so that I've now gotten paid work as a stage manager, and that's kind of a career choice. I'm pursuing a little bit more. I made friendships and connections that have already built me back up. I've been able to help those people back up.
Interviewer: let's talk a little bit more about the experience of being in this production. What led up to the creation? What motivated you to create this piece?
Participant 10: I've always watched musicals and musicals specifically. I'm, I think I’m going to end up being better at just normal plays. I'm not a great singer, and it's going to take a long time for me to get to the point where I would be able to like, really make an impact as a vocalist, I think. But musicals were always what I watched and was like this is amazing.
These people do this every night. It's not a movie where they can re-shoot reshoot; they have to be able to do this. They have to be able to show up every single day and be on, no matter what's happening.
And I got a taste of that when I started doing the circus performance.
So, I learned how to be that person through other means. And I said, now can I, do it? Memorizing lines, knowing choreography, knowing where to go and give the exact same experience every night, because the fire spinning and stuff like that that can be specific to different groups. But when it's a show everyone needs to see the same show, we did. We did 10 nights of performance. Every one of those 10 performances had to be the same show the same experience. How can I do that in that context.
So, there were a lot of challenges in a progression of self-challenges that that also led me to say this might be the right thing to do right now.
Interviewer: Great and then. Would you like to say anything else about when and where did the experience happen? Who was involved besides you (if anyone)?
Participant 10: Yeah, I can. I can mention. You know our director was Pamela Force. Our music director was Dave Cox. Our stage manager was Jen Montfort. Our choreographer was Jen Justice.
The cast was absolutely incredible. We opened in July 2022.
But I think it is worth mentioning that we did have an exceptionally young cast for a lot of this as well
It was a huge cast. I think we have 30 some people in the cast.
Interviewer: Great. Thank you. And What were you thinking and feeling at different times throughout the process of interacting with the artwork?
Participant 10: This is a journey, my very first audition, like I mentioned this wasn't my first one, my second one my first one. I had never sung in public before. I had been told for many years by anyone who had ever heard me sing that I was terrible, and that I shouldn't sing around people.
I had no illusion that I wasn't a very good singer, but I said, maybe if I just go and show up, maybe they'll like that. I showed up, and they'll give me the non-singing role.
And so, I sang at an open mic night, like a week beforehand, and people like, Wow! When did you learn to sing? I don't know there were some things I needed to work on for sure, and I went to a bit of audition prep with a friend who used to teach vocal stuff, and he was like, here’s how we can get you ready to show up, and at least audition.
I blacked out at my first one. I have no recollection. I couldn't tell you how it went.
I remember the pianist couldn't play my song he was trying to, and it was it was a complex piano piece he'd never seen before, and he stopped playing, and I looked over. But I kept singing, and apparently that made a huge impression, and my singing was
good, but not. The woman who went after me got the role I was after, and she was fantastic.
But I was noticeable enough that they still said, should we consider this person or not?
But the music director said, there's not a good spot for you in rent, but I definitely want you in newsies. Please come audition for me. I did not sing it well, and I walked out like well, thanks for the opportunity. Sorry I let you down, and he's like you didn't let me down. You didn't sing great, but I've heard you sing, and I will keep you in the running.
And they put me in a role. So, I went in nervous like I didn't really earn this role through my audition. Other people heard me sing and didn't know why I was there.
But the director saw something in the way I presented myself. I made eye contact, even though it was clear I know it wasn't singing well.
How do I earn more to do by showing people how capable I am, and then just saying, you know what I’m here. Enjoy it. Have fun, and that's when things really started to spiral into bigger things, instead of being resentful about the person who got a part, I thought I could do better at.
And then, when we got to the actual work of putting on the show, and everybody showed up all the time. It was just pure joy, every night
So, I had worked through these things I had to push myself to overcome some of me like programmed internal, you know, monologues and stuff that we're saying. Oh, this is, I deserve more, and you know what maybe I don't deserve more, and I’m lucky to be where I am.
And that rephrasing definitely changed some things, and it's something that has kept me going through theater stuff.
We have stayed in touch ever since our Facebook group continues like literally today, somebody posted just thinking about how awesome this was and missing you guys.
I've been in other shows. Nobody's doing that. It was something special about that show.
Nothing will ever compare to that again. I don't think, especially for me, for that being my first experience in theater.
Interviewer: Let's talk a little bit about the impact of the artwork on you and your life.
What did you learn from the process of interacting with the artwork? Did you learn anything about yourself?
Participant 10: It's one of those things that is a Testament to the power of humanity in that the show had a lot of setbacks, and I didn't talk about most of those setbacks right like I didn't talk about half the cast. Got Covid a week before we were supposed to open.
Where are we going to put on a show or not?
We have a week to figure it out, and we put on a freaking, amazing show. You know it's every single person pitched in when we had those setbacks.
When push comes to shove, I have seen so many people step up and be amazing.
And Newsies was. It was a timely reminder that all of those people do come together and make amazing things happen.
It may be a community theatre production, but it touched so many lives, and I know there were people besides me in that production that it really did change their views on things for and for me. It changed my views on how people can work together, what collaborative projects can be, because I've had some bad experiences with that, and it showed me that I am capable.
The character I played in Newsies may not have had a ton of stage time, but she had impact on the story. She was there for a purpose. She got good laughs. I had so much fun playing this character, and I. I got to learn an accent, and I got to like when we went and blocked out scenes, I was like I have no idea what I’m doing on stage, and the director knows, but she told me to just go with instincts and see what happens, and we ended up structuring whole scenes around. How I moved because I was the one who had the instincts that she liked. So, it was like. You know this. You don't have to have training. You don't have to have years and years of education. You have to have a drive and passion, and you have to show up.
A lot of really empowering reminders that showing up and doing a thing is the best way to make something happen. And that keeping an open mind and an open heart. Duality is something. I actually used a lot in a recent performance thing that I did.
The idea of open heart, open mind is what the whole experience there was about, and that's something I've been telling myself. Keep an open heart. Keep an open mind so like this has kind of become a mantra of mine, especially in the last few months.
But I think what really taught me open-heart open mind was newsies, and that's a philosophy that I hope to carry on for a long time.
Interviewer: Great. Thank you. When some people think about themselves, they see some parts of themselves as deeply true, real, or authentic.
If this idea resonates with you, did you learn anything about your true nature during the process of interacting with the artwork? Did you have any insights about your own authentic (or inauthentic) self?
Participant 10: I think. Yes, both authentic and inauthentic. And it goes back to someone I was talking about with like trying to push beyond the programming of the brain.
I think it's really hard to identify an authentic self in the modern world, because we have so much programming right. Back in days before the Internet, or TV or mass media, or any of those kinds of things, even before, like newspapers.
Once the exchange of ideas became easier, and as it gets easier and easier, the ability to identify an authentic self has kind of been lost. I think that's why we have so many mental health struggles that are coming get becoming worse and worse, and in modern society is that we don't know how to find an authentic self anymore, because the idea of an authentic self-kind of went out the window with mass media. We are seeing these images, you know.
A lot of mass media is about control and influence, even if it's unintentional by the people who are working on it. Someone who had the idea has taken this to be a control method, and institutionalized religion has really been all about that. So, I've done a lot of work on this, but it's not just religion. It's secular as well, and we know this with propaganda, and the fact that propaganda is kind of a daily thing nowadays.
Every single thing that comes out is trying to influence the brain in such a way, so finding an authentic self is almost impossible nowadays. You are the product of the propaganda you have grown up in, and getting through that to what really is authentic is really difficult. It's a challenge as an artist is to be authentic, right? And I think it's harder and harder because we can see we are influenced by the things we see.
So how do we break these things down? We put ourselves in situations where we have to overcome that programming, and, as I mentioned with Newsies, I had to overcome the programming of me. But I deserve more because I know how capable.
No, my authentic self at newsies was someone who has no clue what they're doing there, and it doesn't matter how I hard I've worked on other things. I am a total newbie. I am. I am lucky to be where I am. I have been given a gift of an opportunity that a lot of people don't get in the situation that I was in, and I have to approach it humbly. I have to approach again. Open, mind, open heart.
I think that that's something that Newsies really helped me do was, where do those strengths and weaknesses lie? They lie somewhere else because I don't have them yet. I don't have a strength or weakness. I have no knowledge yet. And I think, like I said, other people found that in this cast, too, people who have been in the theater world had to make that same challenge and say, Wait a minute. Is this my programming that makes me want to resent this woman like the woman who had the role that I wanted well a role that traditionally the person playing the role I had would also play that role in Broadway.
I may have wanted that and thought I deserved it. But this is right, and it's okay, because I’m doing something that matters to me in a context that I love. And I’m getting to work with this person who is right for the context we're in and is doing something she loves.
It was it broke down a lot of people's internal programming, I think.
It showed us what we're capable of in a different way, because once you lose those inauthentic ideas, those programming, you are suddenly becoming receptive to things that might be a surprisingly good fit for you that you didn't think you'd approach in the context originally. So, like for me, I didn't go into this thinking I would make a great stage manager.
And yet I now have had. I've I stage managed a big production over the winter.
Interviewer: Yeah, that was great. Thank you so much. Some people believe in ultimate meaning. This is defined as deep, underlying meaning that transcends subjective, personal meaning. It is about the nature of existence and identity, and it may include ideas about the significance of suffering, as well as spirituality.
If this idea resonates with you, did you learn anything about ultimate meaning during the process of interacting with the artwork?
Participant 10: Again, Years and years and years of analyzing that question myself.
For me personally, art has the pursuit of art has become
“What is my purpose, and I that the questions of purpose and how can I make an impact on the world, I think, is for me a lot of what purpose means to me is, how can I leave a lasting impact? You know a legacy, if you will, although I hate what is my legacy.
I want to change the world.
I have been so unsatisfied with any pursuits I've had where I didn't feel like I was making an impact. Any boring office job where I sit there and process the same stupid paperwork every day, and it doesn't change anything.
I ended up becoming a race manager and doing event, planning for running events which are often done as fundraisers.
I felt like I was helping with some sense of purpose, but it wasn't giving me personal fulfillment.
So, I left that, and I started to pursue. I got a remote job for an insurance company, on how to digitize insurance forms, and it was a fun challenge, and I love challenges, and I learned a bunch. But it was also something I could just do when I wanted to do and pursue art at a level, I never was able to before, and it started making me realize I was capable. And it started to give me that sense of purpose of like. The best way to impact the world is to create things that solve problems.
When I started to do things that made me feel fulfilled and fulfilled, and then could build up skills to help me launch other things that could make a direct impact on people in real time. That was where I really started to find purpose
And getting involved in theater was a part of that progression of finding personal purpose that can impact other people in real time as well. And I haven't quite found.
You know theater has the power to inspire and challenge and do all these wonderful things to the audiences. I'm seeing that it happens with the cast members as well. Like, I said, we're challenging our preconceived of what we deserve, and stuff like that. But I think it's building.
I think that my experience with Newsies has directly injected me into a lifeblood of a different sort, where there's a different set of impacts that can be made on the community around me, on the things that I can accomplish.
And I think that all of this stuff has come together, you know, as far as finding a purpose and a meaning. Then why are we here? As a question.
How can we make the most of being here? Is the purpose question that I've always tried to solve. That's why I was very into popular religion. And how do individual people believe that they are making a difference?
Not why are they here? But how can being here be a positive thing. And art is really how I have found a lot of that for myself.
Interviewer: Great. Thank you. So have one more prompt. Some people believe or perceive a reality beyond the physical or material world. This may include religious beliefs/experiences (such as perceived interactions with God) but also may include mystical or transcendent experiences, or interaction with spirits.
Did you have any of these kinds of experiences during the interaction with the artwork?
Participant 10: Absolutely, and the word I use before communitas is the one as a student of religion, I often consider myself a seeker. I'm always looking for truth in all the different ways that it appears in so many different places.
I think the other worldly powers that are out there can be experienced in a lot of different ways, and a lot of them are very intensely personal. But when it's a personal experience it's harder to trust that that was really an experience you had, or something that you're searching too hard to find a meaning in. I think a lot of people you know. We're talking a little bit before about purpose and meaning. People really want that to be a purpose, and individual spiritual experiences are really great.
I think the idea of Communitas of having a greater experience, and how people find this other worldly spiritual sense by being connected with all these people who find the same thing true or powerful, and that's where you have a little bit of like verification. I guess that this, that there is meaning here, that other people feel it too.
They are experiencing the same transcendency, whatever that is to that person. That is what Newsies was, and again, I've been in other productions where that communitas was not there.
I've definitely had my personal revelations and moment, especially since I started doing art where I started to see inside myself more. And that has been a transcendent experience, especially art journaling and stuff like that. I've really found ways to express myself and explore what's in me, but that isn't the same as this.
There is some kind of power, and it's not necessarily the one that pulls the strings, but it pushes people together.
And when those people come together the product of that group is much greater than the sum of its parts, and that for me is what transcendence really is like. Spiritual transcendence really is, is when all of these talented individuals, who are something special individually come together and create something that is even more special than any one individual could possibly be.
That's the magic for me. Wow! When people come together.
The energy, the power is there, and that's been true at and, like, say, ingenuity, was another place like this, where people with all these great abilities come together and create something greater than the sum of its parts. And so that's where any experience I would have picked to talk about today was like that.
Interviewer: That was great. Thank you so much. I'm so glad we were able to connect and do the interview.
Participant 10: Yeah, Thank you for that opportunity.
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